Will he leave me?

• Men leave women with vaginismus
• Men will never stay married if intercourse is too painful to be happening
• Men must have sex

How often have you heard or read these statements? Many Moms and Grandmas surely believe these are the facts of life. The media hypes quite a bit about it too: be a good sexual partner or he will not stay with you… So, they must be believable, right?
The fact: not necessarily, not always, not true.

There are many factors that play into a man’s decision to leave a relationship, and although the want for intercourse is an important component, it not necessarily the main reason for breaking up.

Men can survive without sex — it is not a mandatory life-or-death bodily need. Having said that, it saddens us to witness some cultures/religions/male partners who mandate the woman to submit sexuality so that her man can be (sexually) happy. It is doubly sad at these time of striving for women’s equality in the sexual arena.

However, let’s face it: with sexual intimacy being a key vehicle for his intimate expression, repercussions will happen when intercourse is missing. But will he leave???

Not necessarily.

Most men stay because they value the deep friendship/bond that the relationship offers and are willing to compromise their sexual menu by limiting it to outercourse. Are they totally happy sexually? Not really, but the other benefits outweigh the loss. Are they happy with the relationship itself? Typically yes. Are they still hoping the vaginismus will be cured and intercourse added to their lives? Absolutely. On a further note, those who have kids will find a larger purpose for staying.

Naturally, there will be those who may indeed opt to leave and pursue a worry-free sexual path, especially if it has been a short-term relationship. A few may leave if they see that the woman is not doing all she can to cure her vaginismus.

Bottom line: vaginismus is  not a death sentence for a relationship.