Vaginismus cure & ejaculation

Is ejaculation during intercourse mandatory for defining vaginismus cure?

Not at all.

A cure is there when the woman owns her vagina = able to have all penetrations symptoms-free and at vaginal tempo.

All penetrations refer to finger, tampons, vaginal applicator for insertion of medications, gynecologic exam (finger + speculum), and penis or penis-size dildo.

Regarding intercourse, a cure is reached when the woman is able to have the penis enter and thrust.  The ejaculation component is insignificant to the cure.

However, most every couple aims at completing ‘the act’ (penetration + thrusting +ejaculation) as a symbol of being cured.

Vaginismus & fingering

How can I get aroused if I cannot have a finger in my vagina?

Answer: quite easily.

Contrary to popular belief, a woman does not need a finger in her vagina to be sexually aroused; what she does need is clitoral stimulation!

Does a finger in the vagina feel nice? Does it enhance sexual arousal? That depends on the woman’s sexual style and preferences.  It is not a decision that her partner should make for her.

Can she masturbate and get to an orgasm if her vagina cannot have any penetration (vaginismus)?  Of course.  See above.

Bottom line (no pun intended): women with vaginismus can lead a sexually satisfying life.

Intercourse - how long?

The recent announcement of an upcoming research article regarding the length of sexual intercourse is sure to make many couples do their very own private clocking…

Is it really about how long a time it lasts, or about the level of satisfaction it brings?

For women out there: can your vagina handle ‘the longer the better’ intercourse without chafing irritation?

And what about the fact that most women are not aroused during sexual intercourse — how long would they want to have the penis inside them? Could be a very long laundry list…

Our clinical experience suggests that most sexual encounters follow a pattern of satisfying the woman first, followed by intercourse for the male’s satisfaction. In that common scenario, women do prefer a short & sweet intercourse.

However, we can see a desire for a longer lasting intercourse when couples engage in simultaneous stimulation: ‘working on her’ while his penis is inside her and thrusting just enough to maintain arousal, timing it to climax in tandem with her.

Stopwatch anyone?

Vaginismus and religion

What does religion have do to with vaginismus?

Apparently, quite a bit.

• Religions will often specify the nature and extent of intimate contact that is allowed prior to marriage.
• Some religions spell out specific punishments for forbidden intimate acts.
• Some religions define women’s sexual roles and duties and, at times, even mandate them!
• Pregnancy outside of marriage may be punishable; termination is rarely an option.
• “Sex talk” is often limited or non-existent, leaving women to their own educational devices.
• The presence of a hymen is essential; penetrations (i.e. tampon) are discouraged.
• Guilt is a huge factor when a woman seeks to balance religious boundaries vs. free-will experimentation.
• There is a common feeling of ‘my vaginismus will be resolved once I get married and can have sexual relationship worry-free…’

And then there is the Big Switch: forbidden sexual contact prior to marriage, followed by the expectation/hope that so many hours after the wedding ceremony the woman can engage sexually in the most enjoyable, knowledgeable, self-assured way…

Has religion played a role in your vaginismus?